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素兰20周年专栏 | 对话彭美萱（三）：如何养育下一代 2022年8月20日下午，在素兰基金会2022年年会暨成立20周年会议上，杨秀春对彭晏素兰女士之孙女、彭定中先生之女儿彭美萱（Michelle）进行了专访。受新冠疫情影响，此次会议以视频会议的形式进行。在此次访谈中，杨秀春先以中文提问，再以英文复述问题；彭美萱（Michelle）以英文回答后，杨秀春再进行英译中翻译。访谈内容经整理分为三篇，前两篇已陆续发布，此为第三篇。 关于素兰大家庭 About the Su-Lan Foundation 杨秀春：这20年来，在你父亲的带领下，素兰家庭越来越壮大。我们想知道，在素兰基金会最初成立的那些日子，父亲有和你聊过这件事吗？还是说，是在素兰发展到一定规模的时候，比如说2007或2008年，父亲才向你介绍基金会？素兰家庭是从2007年开始组织集体活动的，你第一次和我们见面则是在2009年8月的长沙年会上。With your father's leadership, our Su-Lan family is getting bigger and better. In the early stage of the Su-Lan foundation, around 2002, did Mr. Pang share his thoughts about this foundation with you? Or he just did what he did and spoke about the foundation with you several years later, such as in 2007 or 2008? You first met with us at the annual meeting in 2009. 彭美萱（Michelle）：To be honest, I don't have a vivid recollection of when he first mentioned the foundation to me. I think I was still in the United States working there, and I don't think I was really aware that the wheels were in motion to establish the Su-Lan Foundation. From time to time, my father mentioned my grandmother and how she had set up a school for underprivileged children in Hunan. This left a strong impression on me because it provided another dimension about my grandmother. 坦白说，我不太记得父亲是何时第一次向我提起基金会的了。我想那时我大概还在美国工作，并且当时我对父亲着手创立基金会这件事并没有什么概念。不过父亲有时会和我说起，奶奶曾经在湖南的贫穷农村为孩子们建过一所学校，我对这件事印象很深刻，因为它让我对奶奶有了另一个层面的认识。 Now, this being the inspiration for my father and evolving into a family of 150 kids (and still expanding) was unfathomable to me. I'm unsure if my dad envisioned this when he first started. When I first attended the annual meeting, I was so surprised to see how many participants we already had. Attending these meetings yearly has become a "family reunion" more than anything. Seeing our members mature and flourish, occasionally adding on little ones to the Su-Lan family tree, is always lovely to see.时至今日，就是因为奶奶最初的助学梦想，父亲创立的这个基金会竟然发展成为一个拥有150人的大家庭，并且这个数字还在不断增长中，这完全超出了我的意料。我不知道父亲最初启动这件事情时，是否曾料到素兰会发展到今天的规模。第一次参加素兰年会时，我很惊讶地看到我们已经有了这么多同学。更为重要的是，每年参加素兰年会已经变成我们一年一度的家庭聚会。看着同学们的成熟、活跃，有时还带来他们的小宝贝，我非常开心。 Of course, the growth was not overnight but an evolving process involving the commitment of the "time" and "hearts" of our members. As we look into the next 5 or 10 years, perhaps there's a need to think of new ways or areas to explore to keep the foundation relevant and meaningful, but what shouldn't change is our unwavering commitment to giving our time and heart for sustainable change. Such core principles make the foundation's bedrock and are non-negotiable as we're certainly not a charitable organization that tries to solve things just with money. 当然，素兰的成长不是一蹴而就的，它是一个渐进的过程，需要我们大家将心血和时间投入其中。如果我们展望素兰未来5年或10年的发展，也许我们需要探索一些新方法或新领域，来让基金会保持合适的发展节奏并维系其意义。但一定不变的是，我们要坚持用心、花时间，来确保素兰的可持续发展。这些核心原则作为基金会发展的坚定基石，是不容更改的，因为我们肯定不是一个仅以金钱来维系的慈善机构。 So, we are counting on all of you to keep these family values close to your heart and pay it forward to those around you so that the Su-Lan values lives on forever.所以，我们期待在座各位把素兰家庭的核心价值观牢记心上，并传递给身边更多的人，这样，素兰价值观将会一直传承下去。 问题四：关于养育“孩子” About Educating Kids 杨秀春：身为一位母亲，这些年来你养育着自己的儿子Hiro，看着他一年一年长大。今天基金会的很多同学也已经为人父母。此外，从某种意义上来说，我们所有的素兰同学其实也是彭先生和素兰长辈的孩子们。最近我和彭先生聊过养育孩子这个话题，彭先生说，最重要的是既要有爱心，也要有纪律，或者说叫做严慈兼备吧。所以我的问题是，在养育孩子这个问题上，你有什么经验和建议和我们分享吗？在这里，养育的对象既包括血亲，也包括素兰家庭里这些没有血缘关系的孩子们。 You have been a mother for several years, and Hiro is growing up year by year. And many of our Su-Lan members are parents now. In a sense, all of us are kids of Mr. Pang and his sisters. Recently Mr. Pang had a phone conversation with me, and he shared his opinions about educating kids. He thinks that a loving form of discipline might be the most important thing. Therefore, would you share your views with us? We are talking about educating Hiro, and all these Su-Lan kids. 彭美萱（Michelle）：I've actually been a mother for 12 years, but I am still struggling every step of the way. There are always new challenges for every stage of a child's development, and no set rule book. Having a child is a marathon; you need lots of patience and resilience as you'll be running a long race with peaks and valleys, twists and turns. Thankfully, my father has been running alongside me and has been my greatest supporter and cheerleader.我确实已经为人母亲12年了，但坦白来说，至今我仍然在努力学习如何当好一个母亲。在孩子成长的每一个阶段，总会出现全新的挑战，并且全无教科书可供参考。养育孩子是一场马拉松，你需要大量的耐心和韧性，因为这是一项长跑运动，你会不断遭遇山峰和峡谷、曲折和拐角。我很感激我的父亲，他一直在陪着我跑，一路上给了我非常多的支持和鼓励。 I would agree with my dad's view on educating kids through a "loving form of discipline," although putting it into practice is not easy. I may be generalizing a bit, but the more traditional Asian approach to bringing up a child is rather strict and stoic and focuses more on failures or negative criticism. Nowadays, positive reinforcement and constructive criticism seem to be the preferred approach. One should have firm boundaries, but the underlying foundation needs to come from a place of love. The child needs to know that at the end of the day, we will always be there for them, no matter what. 我认同父亲“严慈兼备”的教育观点，虽然说将其付诸实际并不容易。我这样说可能有一点一概而论了，但我确实认为，亚洲的传统教育理念有一些太过严苛——父母更关注孩子做得不好的地方，时常给孩子以严厉的批评。但在今天，多给孩子积极性的反馈，多提建设性的意见，而不是一味批评孩子，这种教育理念可能已经为更多父母所接受。在养育孩子这件事情上，我们确实应该坚持一些原则，但对孩子的爱是一切教育行为的底层基础。应该让孩子们知道，无论如何，我们终归会和他们在一起。 The hard part is being a good role model ("practice what you preach"), being consistent and firm on the rules (the child will always challenge the boundaries), and keeping an open line of communication (just like my father has been able to demonstrate with me) but that's not always easy. 难点在于以身作则、长期坚持原则（孩子总是会来挑战我们）、保持沟通的畅达（就像父亲对我那样），但要做到这些并不容易。 My father takes an approach of focusing on only a few important things and repeating it to Hiro again until, hopefully, someday, it will be ingrained as part of Hiro's psyche. Still, it takes a lot of patience and persistence – hopefully, it will work!我父亲采取的方法是聚焦于少数几件重要的事件，并不断地去重复它们，他用这种方法来教育Hiro，并希望有一天Hiro真正地将这些内化吸收为自己的行为准则。不过这仍然需要很多耐心和坚持——希望有一天这个方法终能奏效吧！ Of course, we are only human and not perfect. It's really important to think about our well-being because any instability will ultimately impact the child negatively and will become a bigger problem down the road. Make sure to give yourself a break, and don't be shy to ask for help. 当然，人无完人。有一点非常重要——身为父母的我们，一定也要关注自己的健康和幸福。如果我们自身状态不稳定，最终也一定会影响到孩子，并逐渐发展成为更严重的问题。所以我们一定也要多给自己一些空间，不要时常处于紧绷状态，在需要帮助的时候，也一定要勇于求助。 They say that "it takes a village to raise a child," and just like the Sulan family, we need to be that village to support the rising next generation – with patience and love.有一句谚语说，“养育一个孩子，需举全村之力”。我们素兰也应该成为那样的一座“村庄”，以耐心和爱心去养育这些冉冉升起的下一代。
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